God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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