1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My breasts were aching with rage.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
