I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
