never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
