Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
