I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
