Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need to align my fucking chakras
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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