oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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