there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
