Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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