YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
