carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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