i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
