Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
