I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
