Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
