Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
