He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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