Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
