the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
