my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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