I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
