we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
