you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
