We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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