I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
