This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
me + whiskey = a bad person
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
