I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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