oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
