Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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