Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
