it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
