Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
