i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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