erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
