I molested 6 butterflies tonight
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
