I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
