why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
