i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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