I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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