Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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