Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
