so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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