Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
