I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
