My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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