I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
