I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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