There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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