gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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