Don't you send me to vm
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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