meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
