He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
