so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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